Every Thursday our newsfeeds fill with images of the past. We all reminisce about when our jeans were smaller, our bank accounts were larger, our kids were just babies, we were healthier, younger, and yes, stupider. As we recall fond, goofy or sad memories from our past, we begin to compare. We compare then vs. now, fat vs. thin, rich vs. poor, single vs. married, a kid vs. a career. Often times, these comparisons make us wish and the wishes can be depressing, scary and guilt-inducing. For a split second, we consider what our lives would be like if we knew then what we know now, if we could go back and change it all.

I know I think about it a lot, particularly in regards to my weight-gain, my lack of confidence, and even my marriage and child. For a second, I wonder “what if I was still thin, beautiful, young, single and unattached.”

Young women in their teens and early twenties are constantly facing the pressures of the media, being inundated with images of stick-thin models, and warped standards of beauty. (Though I must offer a shout-out to body-positive warriors like Ashley Graham and Tess Holliday). The internet is full of stories of young women letting comparison steal their confidence. As I am approaching 30, I have realized how dumb it is to compare myself with those stick-thin, photoshopped models. I’ve gained the ability to more clearly distinguish reality from fantasy. Instead, I begin comparing myself, to myself. Longingly gazing over photos from when I was 18, and I’ve realized that this is just as dangerous. I am still allowing comparison to steal my confidence.

I am allowing MYSELF to more harshly judge MYSELF against MYSELF (ridiculous, huh?).

18 vs 29, Photo credit: left: Knight Photography cirque 2005, right: Violet Rose Photography

SO many things have changed in my life since I was 18. I met my husband, went to college, witnessed my parents’ messy divorce, got married, got separated, got back together again, had a child, cared for my Mom when she was diagnosed with Cancer, and 6 years later, watched the treatments stop working. I have been through so much; body, mind and soul, and each of those things has shaped me into a stronger, more confident and BETTER person then I was. So yes, we may have gained FAT, but let’s not forget what else we have gained.

#ThrowbackThursdays are going to be an ongoing project here at Not So Little Lady Katie. Please contact me if you would like to share your own story of transformation, perseverance, confidence, etc.